weird thoughts and shit...

I'm so lame about blogging now that everything is so easily put on facebook from my phone but you can only put so much on facebook, and I try to keep it light and fun with the exception of putting up pics of needles and shit when I'm at the doctor's office. Next post Thursday when I take my heart stress test. Because of all the damage to my heart from the heart attack 15 years ago, I don't have to get on a treadmill, they inject me with something that makes my heart race until it feels like it's going to pop out of my chest and then when they think I've had enough, they inject me again with something to bring my heart rate down. It's not a bunch of fun but I'm going to make a movie of it on Thursday. Fun times folks, fun times!

Every morning, it takes me 15 or 20 minutes after waking to get out of bed. It's not that I'm lazy or keep hitting the snooze alarm and it's not like I couldn't keep doing that, I'm not exactly the busiest guy in town. It's neuropathy. I'd heard about this from a friend who was on AIDS meds and how painful it was and was very grateful that I didn't have that side effect from my own meds. After the chemotherapy last year, it kicked in. After the chemo this year, it kicked in with a vengeance. In the morning it's the worst, when I try to stand, it feels like I'm standing on pins and needles with broken glass thrown in just because the pins and needles aren't enough. I take medicine for that but it doesn't seem to do any good. Ahhh, the advantages of living as long as I have are just getting better every day. I'm not complaining, I'm very grateful to still be here, I'm merely stating the facts. It's really painful when I wake up in the middle of the night and have to really take a pee and forget to take my time hitting the floor. And that's usually 5 or 6 times a night, another delightful side effect of some medication I take. After I'm up, it usually takes me less than 10 minutes to head out the door for my morning caffeine fix. I don't drink coffee and despise can cokes so I head out to the local stop-n-rob for a fountain coke. I love going there because all the morning ladies are always so cheerful and my nickname is "Moviestar". I know all the ladies' names because they have nametags. I got my moniker one morning last year after a party that was supposed to end at 11 and didn't end until the next morning after we all had breakfast that the hostess' housekeeper made for us after she came to work at 8am. I strolled into the store wearing a tux, untucked shirt and untied bowtie wearing dark glasses and one of the ladies called out "Moviestar". The moniker stuck and I like it. I go into that store every morning and whether I look like shit (90% of the time) or not, they still call me that. It's a nice way to start the day.

Another topic, I'm finally starting to get my house in order. I've got ideas and I've done a few DIY projects but I'm just getting too old and tired to do this shit by myself anymore. I guess if you compared energy levels to auto gas tanks, I'm a Hummer. Young athletic kids are hybrids and get 50 to 60 MPGs and I get about 3 to 7. I'm so tired all the time. I'm not saying that I haven't adjusted to that and don't still have way too much fun, it's just my energy level is so damned low. That often leads to dark thoughts about death and how much time I have left. I've decided that as far as my decorating style is concerned, everyone's life boils down to a yard sale. Once you're gone, somebody has to go through your stuff, maybe it's a boyfriend or husband, wife or what have you so you don't have to worry about that, but I'm alone and friends will be going through my things when I'm gone and what they'll be thinking is of some concern to me. Why? I have no idea, but thoughts like that go through my head all the time. It's lead to a major paring down of stuff on my part and affects every decision on what I buy. What will this say about me? I want people going through my yard sale saying "Wow, he had some cool shit!". Ha! Morbid, right? Every time I walk into the doctor's office, I expect to leave having heard him say, "it's time to get your affairs in order". When they don't say that and just tell me of something new that's wrong, I leave thinking "that's not so bad".

Other rambling thoughts include a recent volunteer experience. I got an email from an organization that needed more volunteers for an event they were having. I was free that evening so I signed on. What a fucking gas that turned out to be. It was for this. I was in charge of the silent auction table and didn't even understand what half the stuff was. It was quite a learning experience, not to mention meeting all these interesting men who were more than happy to explain what all the equipment was. I won't even bother going into details of going into the bathroom for a full demonstration as to how something fit because I couldn't picture it in my head. The hottest leather man was more than willing to give me a demonstation that lead to fits of laughter on his part and mine. It was beyond hysterical. I laughed the night away and met a really cute young man who was also there volunteering with another organization. He came up to me and asked me not to leave his side because everyone there made him nervous and I was the only person who looked normal. Bless his heart, he's only 26 and if he thinks I'm normal, well, he's in for quite the surprise! He's my companion for a party tonight.

Tonight's party is at my best girlfriend's house. It's a kick-0ff party for Houston Fashion Week. I'm doing all the flowers and fluffing her house. All of Houston's top socialites will be there and I think it will be a gas. I love hanging out with fabulous women, fabulous well dressed women. My goal is to get as many pics with beautiful women as I can and put them on facebook.

I've finally had some work published in the same magazine as Nate Berkus. Six degrees of separation and getting closer. Not exactly the way I'd like it but I'm fine with it. I swear, that man is so hot and so creative, I'd love to spend a day with him and pick his brain. And then spend the next day licking his entire body from head to toe. I didn't change his name like someone else I know does just in case he does vanity google himself and finds my blog. Help me with my house Nate and the offer to lick you all over stands! Here's the link. Nate's on the cover and the condo I decorated is in the advertisement on page 7, down at the bottom, in the middle, it's a very small picture but hey, I'm in a magazine with Nate, I'm thrilled! Twisted, but thrilled. That's probably as close as I'll every get to him but it won't be for a lack of trying on my part.

I've decided that I'm not going to date ever again. I've been on three bad dates in the last two months and I'm done. I went on Match.com and did a profile. I went out with two of them and they were BORING! I went out on a blind date that someone where I volunteer set me up on and that was terrible. When I got matched up with my Ex on Match.com, I decided that was an omen and I'm done. I did find someone in New Orleans on the sight that was a fellow blogger so now when I read his blog I have a visual who's writing it. I've decided that not only will I not date but I'm un-dateable. I mean really, who in their right mind would want to date someone with AIDS, Congestive Heart Failure and in the last 18 months did the whole Farrah Fawcett experience (anal cancer that spread to my liver and lungs). On the bright side, at 49, I'm still reasonably good looking and get hit on all the time. And to top that off, I'm poor. I hate that one the most. But, I do poor way better than most people so it doesn't bother me that much. Well, it does, but I don't dwell on it. Every time my finances get precarious, something turns up and I make a few bucks. I do lots of stuff for my friends that I don't get paid for but they take me out to dinner all the time and take me on trips with them so that's better than cash, except when I'm broke. Before the end of the year, I'll be going to Ft. Lauderdale, Telluride for the 3rd time this year and Loretto, Mexico. I love my friends and I'm very blessed to have such good ones. I did a major job earlier this year for some friends and they gave me a Mercedes. Not a new one, but it had less than 12K miles on it.